on a peninsula in the ebb tidal delta milking the cow of history

09:35 pm - surfacing

important dates

may 9 grades posted online
12 lingerie shower for amanda
15 1500 dollars wired to my account from NASA
june 1 move into elizabeth street
2 research begins
17 sisters wedding
19 rado leaves
july 31 birthday
august 10 vacation
22 fall semester begins

but, the moment is now.

happy trails to you all; i'll be in charleston over the summer- come visit me!

04:40 pm - happiness so happy it's stereoscopic

Good news!

I am an official NASA undergraduate reseacher. This summer in conjunction with the College of Charleston Geology Department NASA endowed a research project on the Tibetsi Mountains of Chad. The mountain complex is inaccessible because of both recent political instability and remnants of civil war (land mines). We'll be using ASTER (Advanced Spaceborne Thermal Emission Radiation) satellites to get a sense of what the igneous formations are there and use feedback data to map the region.

I'm really excited about this summer. I found a one-bedroom apartment on Elizabeth Street next door to the municipal library, 3 blocks from the Science Center where I'll be doing research beginning in June. The latest I can move out of Bull Street is May 20. In the interim between move out day and research, Rado and I are going to live together until he leaves on music tour in Italy.

April 15, driving home to Columbia for the first time in 4 months.

09:33 am - a different shade of green

reunions are oh so sweet.
seattle was amazing. i saw so much beauty .. .nowhere else have i been that nature and the city have been in symbiosis.. skyscrapers against mt. rainier, the olympics, sailing on puget sound...
vegan paradise!
tatoo...of a fleur de lys!
environmental restoration-
days of invasive species removal that began at 7 am and ended at 3 pm monday-friday... met some incredible environmentalists. i feel recharged ethically. whereas i was before disillusioned with the overall impact we would make on a long term scale, what else can you do? if you recklesslly abandon the project/the goal in mind, how better off are you?
i get really fed up with businesses that do not recycle. the handbook for proper recycling mangagement IS thick and probably uninteresting BUT worth it. at la fourchette we go through 45 bottles of wine per friday/saturday night on average. so, i took them home with me and put them in my recycling bin. i think every little bit helps.

it's frustrating. why not care of the place we live? sure, it's easier NOT to recycle. it's easier NOT to conserve water but growing mindful of how we use resources/how we save them is essential to the next generation and beyond. once it's gone, you cannot get it back.
in conclusion, our planet does not come with a spare.

Current Mood: thoughtful

01:24 am

Who wants to move in with me and live in Charleston while we share rent for an apartment there?

Sudden research project. Will be in Charleston from June to August.

12:03 pm - {inertia} {uncontainment} {breath}

MId-terms out the waaaaazooooooo.
African Studies: Colonialism, Post-WWII Nationalism, and Its Legacies on the Development of Nation States on the Continent
Geology of Africa: Sahara/Sahel, Nile River, Nubian Sandstone
Evolution: Vertebrates and Reptiles


I'm out of the gate and running fast! Registration for fall classes on Monday, work on Tuesday, SPRING BREAK SEATTLE on Thursday immediately after lab and a final.

My fall 2006 schedule is:

Monday
Wednesday
Friday
9-10:50 Western Civilization Lecture and Seminar
11-11:50 French Civilization and Culture
12-12:50 Structural Geology
1-1:50 Anthropological Perspectives on Peoples and Cultures of Africa
2-5 (Wednesdays only) Structural Geology Lab

+

Research hours in Geology on a new proposal (something about nuclear clean up and Nigeria) from an independent firm.. Lots of remote sensing and GIS. I can never get enough!

Tuesdays and Thursdays... NO cLASS! which means working Tuesdays and Thursdays. I 'll be grateful I"m taking 17 hours and staying busy; plus, Western Civ tests are killer/offered MWF. Having 24 hours to prepare for them will facilitate better studying habits (theoretically?!)

My lover comes back tomorrow night after a weekend audition in Chicago at Northwestern University. I've missed him terr-ibly.

11:23 am - Patience

Last night= one of the best of my life.

He and I stood on the back porch (screen door, moths drawn by the light) handing off the champagne bottle with "To..." : impeccable violin performances, 3.8 GPAs, world peace, spring, weekends in Chicago, family, good friends, good health, art, beauty, and happiness.

He talked about Irina, I talked about my ex. Genuine understanding. Politics- divergence and convergence points. College...is.. golden.

Current Mood: grateful

09:11 am

no plans for the fourteenth other than working at la fourchette... so far the restaurant is booked. we will probably reset twice... the last minute couple means big big tips!

hallmark conspiracy theory- behind valentines day. did you know they're behind christmas too... ??

i took my love to mont blanc and offered to buy him a wallet. he said they were out of his price range.. ($250) then i explained i wanted to buy it for him... he's still deciding. i understood but initially was a little hurt by the rejection.
as we left the store he pointed accross the street- plain view victoria's secret and said how about you? and i pointed next door to victoria's secret at ritz camera and said babye, how about a fish eye lens???

hmm. we shall see.

excuse my cynicism. i do not need a holiday invented by a greeting card company to say i love you.

Current Mood: indescribable

11:59 pm - Meditation

Middleton Place dinner with the boyfriend, our Viennese pianist friend, and a musician from Basque France and his girlfriend tonight. All paid for by Dr. Douglas. We arrived earlier and while waiting on our second half strolled the gardens... I felt teleported to a Monet painting- the Japanese bridge, the egret perched on its leg, an iron gate unlatched playing with the wind. All so beautiful.

Elevator. Practice room. Piano duet. Meditation by Massenet on the violin while I replicated a Cezanne still life on the chalkboard. Him taking shots of me mock- playing the piano. I am a virtuouso of illusion.

Love to be loved by my lover.

Went to Mariettas appartment after and listened to Uruguay rock. They have a rat and a cat. Adorable pets. Their apartment is above King Street. Cozy and scholarly furnishings.

The I love you came out tonight. It was sincere. I reciprocated. I originally said give it one week and you may think differently. I think he is going to be the one who is probably going to break my heart one day.

Why do we enter relationships knowing full well they will end tragically? I guess we cherish this modicum of possibility that determines its improbability.

He wants me to go to Europe on tour with him in July. Love, music and life. Three weeks pay at La Fourchette... and I will have a plane ticket in my pocket.

Meditation is divine.

02:07 am

work was gratifying. perig told me that i have many advantages. i smoke, i drink, i get sexed up (his words, not mine) and i'm only eighteen. do i that often? no. he drinks, smokes, and womanizing every time i work. oh frenchmen bosses who feel the need to make you insecure.
my love is out of town. he called me. something about a scholarship opportunity in memphis. i miss his warmth. i miss his hands. i miss him.
julie asked me what would happen this summer. i don't know the answer to the question. nobody does. so why ask it? what will be will be. the moment is now.
all is well i keep telling myself. three major exams next week. mom and dad are coming to charleston for his birthday on friday night. i made their reservation for two at la fourchette. lots of wine, cassoulet, mussels and cheese. i thought about requesting the night off but they said they would rather observe me in action. even slow nights i make 50 dollars. fridays are busiest and i take home sixty on average.
i have picked up a few bad habits. everybody there has their vices. peche mignon- a "cute sin" in french. i have mine- smoking, overreacting, overanalyzing, procrastinating.
taxes in the mail on wednesday. as an employee of the state (through cofc modeling gig) i can file and get a 10 dollar maximum return. i think i will. not much but why not, ten dollars is a meal, a tanktop at urban, organic shade grown mexico coffee from starbucks three times.
why has my biological clock been ticking lately?
i think about procreating all the time.
i see little children and want one, badly. reality check!!! children and the peace corps are mutually exclusive. a love child would torpedo any plans. hypothetically speaking if it could be anybody i would choose gandhi to father my children but loverboy would be next in line. yes.
small things. expressing regret he would be out of town when my parents would be in town, giving me massages, holding the soft part of my hip in the cusp of his hand, gentle meditative kisses, taking showers together, saying thank you for the most menial things.
he taught me the slovak word for bellybutton- pupookt.
green eyes with hazel. deep voice. powerful hands. curl around the lips. darling, i'm in love.
or am i just infatuated? both.

12:10 pm - beautiful moments

woke up too late for hot yoga. instead i tidied and arranged my desk.

la fourchette paycheck: 70.00 for 6 hours of work. in one single night. My boss pays the serveuses and barmaids in cash. No tax withdrawals.

mahé invited monica, leh mon, kevin, perig and i to rue de jean for drinks. pinot noir, cabernet sauvignon, and a sancerre. My darling met us there then we sauntered back to spring street. oooo.

he'll be gone until wednesday. auditions for acceptance into a pHd of music program in cleveland.


i'm becoming a vector for perpetual motion: school, work, wild mad sex, finding a study abroad in paris.

millie and i ate hotdogs on the street yesterday. it was great. we were imbued with our usual mutual goofiness.


tibo gave me underwear. i don't konw what to think about it. are they are commentary on our relationship?

mom went to atlanta this weekend. i hope she found the IKEA furniture i wanted. i have missed her a lot recently.

certain editions to my new years survey need to be amended. (yes, nikki and lorcan)

10:24 am - I'ma intellektjual... avoidant, hard worker, equally sexual as i am

09:58 am - Blue

Whoa.

Champagne, wine and accents.

10:53 pm - Musique

Being aware when I get giddy. Ignoring the feeling of loving to be in love and instead loving the person I love.

But oh how good it feels when you know.

Current Mood: good

11:28 pm - Absorption and Acceptance. Passion and Passivity.

Update!

I am feeling more centered lately.

Yoga propels my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Yogic methods help me cope with the amounting work for lectures!

Dr. Colgan for Evolution is against grades. He never was given them (Californian alumnus) and does not like to give them but promises us opportunities to calculate our averages. Tonights reading assignment: Charles Darwins The Voyage of the Beagle. Oh, how I love it.

Studio pay check tomorrow!

I am tracking my finances responsibly!

Picked up my baby from the Bicycle Shoppe yesterday and on the way back from Erin's house ran into the Czech violinist. He was waiting on his ride to a concert in Sullivans and had twenty minutes to spare. He paid for my coffee and sat with me on the terrace while we shared what we did over winter break.


Met Marie and Mahé who offered me a job as a serveuse at La Fourchette. I would work three times a week from 4 to 11. If Julie and Domitille can work then we would all have more flexibility.

On the rebound- siyanora sinusitis!

Emotional levels are high. The obvious is Luca is in Italy. I do the same things I did last semester and go to the same places, the context is all the same but he's no longer here. Absence of mon ami de tout mes amis. Phone cards!

On the upside; Will this lead to something greater?

Feeling closer to my mother and father. The distance draws us together.

Loving life, in general, despite the minor deviations and unpredictabilities. Because really, I am virtually nonexistent in the universal scheme of things.

04:57 pm - a fix.

charleston, i love you.

02:41 pm

February

cravings (1), boyfriends (0), mood on a scale of 1-10, ten being the greatest, 1 being the worst (3), days until holiday (12), 135 lbs.
everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one ever thinks of changing himself." -leo tolstoy

so what is there to lose? basically, nothing!
We sat on the benches, ambled along lazily, took pictures of one another, the harbor, the sunset. Jestine's was impenetrable! I suggested eating at Sermet's, so we walked five blocks and ate big. I ordered Herb-roasted tilapia, Joost ordered duck and drank sweet tea. There was a cute moment. An elderly couple beside us was eating their dinner, and short on conversation or attempting to restore a natural flow of dinner speak, the husband says "Looky there, that room goes waaaaaay back." Joost looked at me, I looked at him, and we both smiled. They were looking into a wall-covering mirror near the back of the restaurant.

March

mary laurel, jill, and i paced together, we finished in six minutes, the breakdown 1:04:59 me, 1:05:00 jill, 1:05:26 mary laurel. i had a great run and am already training to beat atleast one kenyan next year's run. we finished among the 2,000 place bracket out of 18,000 total runners.

April
i think we should call the cooper river bridge run the cooper river bridge run run next year.
Last night I saw Les Choristes at the Nick. It was incredibly moving. Somewhat of a French take on Mr. Hollands Opus, though the musician teacher dies before his students realize the positive influence he made on their lives.

greet the face of beauty
hypocrite, barbituate, dead.
likened to canned green beans.

Call me crazy, I mountain biked without shock absorbers on zee bike. I am basically immobile. I drank a soylatte. I walked upstairs. I sat down at my desk. My arm is twitching. Curse that tetched common sense I seem to lack.

JUNE__JULY
Days until Europe: 4
Haircut ideas: 3
Missed phone calls: 2
Paintings to finish before I leave: 1

arrival
Columbia to Cincinatti
Cincinatti to Amsterdam


en retour
Lyon to Madrid
Madrid to Atlanta
Atlanta to Columbia

Until then, happy summer, kids!

...yet i am a vegetarian. how odd.

August
Veganism is living up to its categorization as a lifestyle. the death and burial of my leather boots seems regrettful but timely.

Kale for dinner tonight. Whitney leaves on Saturday.

September
have been ultimately and royally falling in love with Charleston all over again.

Why go home?

I can honestly say I have had zero boredom time.

I'm an early rise, I am out the door by 9. I run long distances along the border of the peninsula and begin class at midday.

I forget to eat. I've lost over 10 pounds.

I salsa dance every Thursday and Saturday night.

I met a fabulous French guy. Think vegetarian meals, sunsets, gay bars.

I'm not perfect. College is hard. I made a 67 on my homework last week. I set a goal to improve. More study time at the library. Take each stride seriously. My number one priority is school.

I am involved.

I went to the Shabbat Sushi dinner.

I swatted flies at the Honors College Student Assoc. Cookout to raise money towards relief efforts for the victims of Katrina.

I love calling my Dad at his office just to say I hope he's having a great day. Even better when they visit (and bring me a fresh supply of Silk).

October____nothing

November
ick tock of my biological clock clang clang clang reverberating up to my ears not to worry feminist psychologists your pioneer tinkering with matches will not let go of her matchbook that could illuminate the timid shy ones she is only attracted to the beautiful names of those yet to come enthralled by the vagueness of destiny its luminosity blinking like yellow street lights simultaneity a gentle reminder of who you are and where you want to be.

preface: not child bearing
names fascinate me that's all. composing ether. hmm.

girl--> adrienne-seurat adelaide van arsdall
male-->raphael finlay-francisco van arsdall

Like a long forgotten weep..

Only 40 days away.. Christmas as always precursed by crass commercialism. Starbucks has already decorated. The addicts waltz around parading their candy apple red cups.

My lemons are missing. I buy organic, which costs a dollar more than the regular kind so when 3 out of 4 are missing in action, it really means six dollars out of my pocket.

Love life in shambles. Long distance is shorter when I am in France and his arms are encircled with mine. Calling card savings....

Art critique tonight. Lacey praised mine. I admit its taken on a mind of its own. Instead of taming the paper to yield my preconceived notions I work through drawings, letting them evolve and self perpetuate.

December
I remember the events of September 11, 2001 as many first year high schoolers remember their first failed examination- an exagerrated sense of self-worthlessness that outweighs the will to try again next time. The United States is in the same position. It has failed on many fronts- double conciousness within its borders, prostituting its reputation as the global police to the world, socially constructed myths that justify the real heinousness of American foreign policy. Dissimilar to the case of the first year student there is no extra credit, there are no bonus points. A failure is a failure. The most sensible repproachability lies in the capacity of change and redirection ahead.

What is he here for?
Where did he come from?
How did he get here?
Why is he in my yard?

Hmm. Essential existential questions.

04:43 pm - Disease

04:06 pm

Was 2005 a good year for you? More or less.

*What was your favorite moment of the year? Climbing to the summit of the Puy de Dome and reading books together with my french lover there

*What was your least favorite moment of the year? 82 on a Politics and Theater midterm

*Where were you when 2005 began? Seattle, Washington

*Who were you with? Jon LeCroy and Nathan

*Where will you be when 2005 ends? Cincinatti, Ohio

*Who will you be with when 2005 ends? Mille Womack and Daniel Robinson

*Did you fall in love in 2005? Yes

*If yes, with who? A Czechoslovakian violinist

*Are you still in love with them? Yes

*Do you regret it? Never

*Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? A relaxing of rules, rather

*Did you make any new friends? Yes

*Who are your favorite new friends? Luca Pellicoro, Candice Berger, Sabrina Melhriki

*What was your favorite month of 2005? August

*Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Yes

*How many different states did you travel to in 2005? 5

*Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? My grandfather and my uncle

*Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes

*What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? The Rage in Placid Lake

*What was your favorite song from 2005? Anything Black eyed Peas

*What was your favorite record from 2005? Winter session Release by Death Cab for Cutie

*How many concerts did you see in 2005? 6

*Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? Jump Little Children and the Charleston Symphony Orchestra

*Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005? 2 vodka Red Bulls, vodka and lemonade, countless glasses of rose or red wine

*Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? Zero

*Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Began smoking

*What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? " I'm not bissexual."

*Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? Yes

*Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Yes

*How much money did you spend in 2005? Trip abroad plus first semester of college... erhm.

*What was your proudest moment of 2005? 3.78 gpa

*What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? Selfconciousness about my body when I go for my daily two hour walk around town

*If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? Not losing my virginity to somebody I really care for

*What are your plans for 2006? Dean's List, 21 hour semester, Seattle Invasive Species Removal Clean Up over Spring break, Cooper River Bridge Run, smoke less... Call my parents and Thibaut more often

Current Mood: cold

01:21 pm - A man wearing a baseball cap and jeans just passed by the window

What is he here for?
Where did he come from?
How did he get here?
Why is he in my yard?

Hmm. Essential existential questions.

10:58 pm - So I thought I'd post

A steal from Alex...

French Conversation and Composition A
Conversational French II A
Geology A
Environmental Geology Lab A
Sociology 390: Politics and Theater of the 20th Century B
Drawing A

Cumilative GPA: 3.8

:) + goal of 3.8 spring semester= Dean's List.